Mrs Evelyn Utunye is the Deputy General Manager, News and Current Affairs, Delta Broadcasting Service (DBS), Warri, Delta State. The mother of four also mentors young people as well as women, and has been in journalism for 31 years. She speaks with EBENEZER ADUROKIYA on her career as a journalist, the issue of child marriage, and other sundry issues. Excerpts:As a career woman, how do you cope with the demands of your work and your duties as a wife and mother?
Every working woman, who is married with children, will tell you that it is not easy; but you must put your mind to it. If you want to succeed at anything, you need hard work. And that is the sacrifice you must make if you want to work and keep your family.
Early in our marriage, it was very difficult, because my children have to go to school and I have to work. then, I had my mother – at least, some of the time I had her. She was very supportive and, of course, I had to employ nannies to do some of the work for me; to take care of children. But I explore every opportunity after working hours to have quality time with my children. I always tell young mothers that they should be their children’s best friends or else, a lot of things can go wrong. But when you are their best friend, you can always tell them the truth. But if you allow all those talk that go on in school get into them without somebody to do a clean-up, it can be harmful. Sometimes you tell them to bring their friends home, so that you’ll know the kind of friends they keep in school. Of course, you must play your role as a mother and as a wife because the quality of a true marriage is the fact that you must know how to own and keep your home; otherwise, you can ruin your home while pursuing your career.
Young girls nowadays destroy their future by opting to do menial jobs after secondary shool education on the excuse of lack of financial support, rather than futhering their education. How did you beat this trend in your time?
That is true. If you say you didn’t go to school because you didn’t have financial support, then you are very foolish. There were public schools everywhere. I don’t know about federal schools, but in the state government schools, education is free. In fact, in my time, I went to the boarding school. We were paying school fees, but along the line, I went to Anglican Girls Grammar School. I also attended the Federal Government College in Warri, before I proceeded to the University of Benin. So, you see, these opportunities are always there. It takes determination and this a strong one to be where you want to be in life. I should have stopped at the secondary school level because my parents were from a poor background; but because I knew what I wanted to be, I made sure I was one of those who were selected to write the entrance examination for higher school certificate to Federal Government College, and I passed. And because the school fees were highly subsidised by the Federal Government, we were able to manage. Of course, I did not have all the good things that were given to my colleagues. Their parents were living in big houses, duplexes, whereas mine was living in one-room apartment. We didn’t have the latest bags and shoes, but when you know where you are coming from, you will be focused. When you are not focused, you only live for the now, and this is a serious problem our society is presently facing.
How in your view can the issue of misplaced values be addressed?
We can; even the governments have been trying. There are non-governmental organisations set up to help the poor, educate them and let them know that it is not just enough to attend primary school, finish secondary school and then sit back. If you do not have something to do and challenges are coming, your husband will not be happy with you, especially in a case where the woman is not supportive in any way. Such a woman becomes a burden; and when you are a burden to the man, he becomes tired of you. But if you have something doing, and you can meet some of your basic needs and even contribute to the running of the home, the man will respect you. Even your in-laws will respect you. They will give you their attention. So, you must set a goal in life.
There is an increase in incidences of single parenthood these days. As a grandmother, what’s your take on divorce and can it be addressed?
The rate of divorce is high in the society today because of this mentality of ‘making’ it quickly. Couples are no longer patient with one another. In those days, we used to have young people with the ‘Surulere’ mentality (as it is said in Yoruba). They used to have patience then. But our young people today don’t want to be patient, work on their relationship and arrive at their goal. They want to get attached to the very rich immediately.
Couples must learn to take it easy with each other. The things that matter in life are those we don’t pay attention to. Some of our parents abandon their children while they are pursuing wealth, and at the end of the day, these children become touts and nuisance not only to themselves, but to the society as well. Most children from rich homes have become armed robbers, kidnappers and all sort. They lacked that parental guide at the time they needed their parents. In cases of divorce between couples, the children’s mind are likely to poisoned about the other partner. By so doing, these children can even become men haters. They think that because they have not had a balanced and healthy childhood experience, they should take it out on the society, and this causes a lot of problems. When you are ready to get married, be sure of what you want because marriage is not a bed of roses; and it is not supposed to be a temporary thing.
Some people go into marriage ill-prepared, without knowing what they want. They get all the glamour but when the reality of the marriage dawns on them, they begin to panic and look for a way out. I believe our religions should help couples to stick to their marriage. Whatever it takes you to stick to your partner, do it and work on your relationship to make it work and to make it last.
Recently, the Senate approved the girl-child marriage bill. What is your take on this matter as a grandmother?
A child should get married to an adult? I consider that as an aberration!
But that has always been the practice in the North.What do you find wrong in it?
It is wrong, whether it has been from generation to generation or not.. We are talking about being prepared in the mind; how can a young child… somebody who needs good nurturing, be made to nurture other people? What does she know? What can she offer her children? Absolutely nothing. You have not given that child the opportunity to be a child and you just suddenly throw her into an emergency marriage. It is wrong whichever way you look at it. What kind of father or mother will give out a 10-year-old or 13-year-old girl in marriage, when she should be getting the nurturing from her parents? I don’t support it at all. It is wrong.
As a grandmother, you still look youthful and beautiful. What is the secret?
I do not try to do things that are beyond my abilities, and I talk to God. I change the things that I can change and I pray for the grace to accept those things I can’t change. You see, when you try too hard to change the things you cannot change, you go through a lot of stress. I do my best to avoid such situations and I thank God I am a grandmother. My children are always there for me. Once in a while, I go down there. God has also blessed us in our family. My father, at 84 years, still wakes up as early as 4:00 a.m and does some work. But principally, education helps. When you are educated and you are guided by God and you hustle – it is good to hustle, because I do not encourage anyone to be lazy. Positive hustling does not bring too much stress; but when you go the negative way, you begin to be involved in unnecessary activities and all kind of foul things. These add unnecessary years to your age, and they make you look older than your age. It is the grace of God that grants peace of mind. Also, love people; don’t be bitter towards people. Bitterness will begin to make you go down.
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