Williams wrote an interesting piece about the
Nigerian woman and the societal pressures and
demands placed on her and shared it on her
Facebook page . It's an interesting read. Find it
below...
I just read a social media fight between two
people I know and I chuckle to myself
because my friend was blowing some hot
words there - she was really vexed. Reading
through the literary missiles, a few questions
came to mind. Why is it that, generally when
Nigerians fight their profanity centers around
a woman's marital status, her age and to top
off the insults, her private parts? Are these
the yardsticks that we measure our women
by? The marital status thing. Does it mean
when a woman is not married she has no
identity, she is less of a person or what? For
a Nigerian woman to get any type of respect
there has to be a man in the picture in what
ever capacity? So it does not matter if you
are wife number 6 at least you are wife?
There is a vulgar saying that goes "Toto wey
nobody get, na everybody get am". For real?
That pretty much means that a woman
unattached is nothing but a mobile body part
that anyone can do anything to or
with.....chaaii!!
And so begins the race where mothers
groom and condition their daughters to
believe that their ultimate duty on Gods earth
is to "find a man and born for am". I have
often listened to educated folks down so
much on women with comments like "They
should have no say, after all they are going
to get married off", Women think with their
butts not their heads and my respect meter
for them swings all the way dooownnn!!
When we have more respect for our women
we will begin to do better as a society. If you
want to know the quality of men in any
society look at how the women of that
society are being treated. Of course its not
all Nigerians but there's too many with this
notion and something must be said.
The age factor. - Another sexist point of
view. With notion of the one goal she must
accomplish , the female now believes young
and juicy is preference especially if you are
at the other side of the biological clock and
still have not found a man. So some of my
soul sisters have designed a calibration
where at 30. birthdays are celebrated every
3 years and at 40 every 4 years. Meaning if
you are 30 you will turn 31 after 3
years ......so instead of kicking the other side
of 40s with me my friends are mostly still 38.
Where we could have fabulous and very
accomplished women, celebrating
milestones, sharing wisdom of lessons
learned over the years, we have we see
strong women dumbing down, hiding behind
numbers, and an arsenal of paraphernalia
that will ensure they don't get old. Look at
any photographs of big chicks at any event,
we all look bothered. Why? Shoes are biting,
wigs are squeezing, body magic trying to
snuff out the last breath. Sometimes we are
dropping body parts, nails dropping , eye
lashes hanging........Lord have mercy. Check
out the Louboutins, Louis Vuittons, Micheal
Kors, name them, all in competition with the
other as we live out social constructs
designed to forever keep us mentally
emotionally and even physically
impoverished (How? Story for another day).
We need to love and accept ourselves.
Finally, the woman's private parts. The
immediate way to gauge a persons mental
quality is how he talks about a woman. It
has nothing to with swag, bragado or just
being a bad boy, a man who refers to a
woman as a body part is quite simply an
iIDIOT no if , ands, or buts, just keep it
moving. I find it very disturbing that of the
myriad of problems in Nigeria, there recently
was a move to put in the constitution the
legality of underage marriage as opposed to
making laws against pedophiles. Its
disturbing that what an individual decides to
do with their private parts became a matter
of national debate and outcry but HIV,
malaria, food shortage and Ebola (currently
knocking on our doors) are decimating the
populace. These attitudes and perceptions of
put out or shut up, money for hand back for
ground are slowly turning our princess
daughters into sex slaves, our turning our
sisters and mothers into glorified prostitutes.
If you have ever watched a pack of animals
- you notice that they eat, fight, mate and
sleep. The more highly evolved the animal in
question the more organized their activities
and interactions with group members. If this
is our national psyche, then the women of
Nigeria have a long road to walk because we
must declare this consciousness
unacceptable. This is not who we are and we
can do better. We must point our daughters
towards higher ideals and goals. We need a
mind reorientation and perception which
must begin with an honest look at the person
in the mirror. Our men must once again learn
to respect womanhood. Merit ought to take
its place once again. Lets us as a people rise
again. Where do we start??
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